i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im six kinds of drunk right now
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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