So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
