Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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