i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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