So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
