After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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