I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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