"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
