Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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