Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
