I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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