I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize