So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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