All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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