If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
