READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
well you can't waste a boner
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
