Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
