i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
