Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
birth control should be required to get into college
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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