Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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