i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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