So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
