she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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