maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
