Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
