my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
