you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
