we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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