the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
