I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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