Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The feeling are messing with the penis
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
