So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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