i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
