Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
