two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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