i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
