dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
