obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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