remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize