You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
