she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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