I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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