This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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