I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
