the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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