i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize