think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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