Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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