speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
