I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
