Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
