I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
