dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
