i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
