the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
