i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
