We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We got so high we made milksteak
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
