This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
