It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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