I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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