I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize