i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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