Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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