This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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