everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
