I can feel you judging me through the phone.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
