I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
God I need to hump something, right now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
