Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
