Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
