Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
