shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
