don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
