My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
