It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
