I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
