Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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