We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
