I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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