i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize