my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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