do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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