We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
