How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
