I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
