Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
