apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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