office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
