I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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