After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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