I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
