I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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