Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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