She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
